Proper Conduct Orders

Make no mistake, divorce and separations can be horrific events and can create havoc in the minds of our children. As an attorney, I feel it incumbent upon me to do everything within my power to create an environment that is as least painful (though divorce and custody is always painful) as possible. As a judge, I took it even more seriously. Right here in the great state of Oklahoma we seem to accept "proper conduct orders" as standard policy. What that means is a parent cannot have an individual with whom he/she is romantically involved around when the children are visiting during their court-appointed visitations.

I granted those orders when requested during a pending divorce - after all, the parties were still married. But I believed, and stated on the record, that to do so in a paternity matter or post-divorce order was inconsistent with the individual’s First Amendment right of freedom of association. Absent, of course, some showing that the 3rd party was harmful or posed an imminent threat of danger to the children involved. And that did not mean "setting a bad moral example” because in the courtroom, objectivity must reign supreme and the safety of the children paramount. Even if I personally, morally, disagree with a lifestyle choice and would not myself participate in said behavior, it is not the place of the state of Oklahoma, or any other governmental agency/body, to mandate, through judicial fiat, how an individual raises their children. Absent irreparable harm to the child, every parent is permitted to make his/her own mistakes and I challenge you to name just one parent who has not made a mistake – other than the Creator Himself.

As attorneys, as well as jurists on the bench, we must always remember that the law is the law and it was designed to serve the people, not to rule over them with an iron fist, creating fear and loathing. Divorce and custody cases are particularly difficult and are sadly becoming more prevalent and we must remember that the circumstances leading up to our client’s appearing before the court was more than likely very traumatic. It is not our job to make it worse.

Mike